Crying Lessons

Over the weekend, I went with my niece to see the new film Bridge to Terabithia, which is based on the book of the same name. What a painfully beautiful experience! My roommate had mentioned it was one of her favorite childhood books, and my niece had recently completed reading it, but neither had informed me what it was about (that is the way I prefer it, and I will certainly try not to ruin it for anyone else). I am currently third on the list to receive my niece’s copy of the book.

I had assumed from the previews that I would be watching another fantasy-rich children’s tale about far off lands and dragons, fairies, monsters, and the like. I was right and wrong on that account. (I’ll let would-be watchers figure that out.) It was more a story of the nature of the fallen world and the quest for love. I wept unabashedly during a portion of the film (for those who know me, this takes a bit of doing). Maybe it was just me, or perhaps it was simply my time, but I feel I grew, if even just the tiniest bit, from watching this story. Returning home and to my own thoughts, I remembered a poem by C.S Lewis that speaks of some of the themes of love, loss, and redemption I saw in this story. It is always love that redeems us, isn't it?

As the Ruin Falls


All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love --a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains.

Marmee

Marmee is the name of the mother in Little Women, and the name my paternal grandmother chose for herself when she found herself in a position where she could potentially be called something as old sounding as “Grandma” or, heaven forbid, “Grandmother”. She insisted on Marmee because it reminded her of one of her favorite books, and gave the added benefit of not sounding stuffy and age defining. Her own mother opted for the great-grandchildren to call her “G.G”.

Marmee had five children, with my father being the oldest. The middle spot among the kids was held by my uncle Christopher who was born with Down syndrome. One of the most admirable things about my Marmee was that she never gave in to the popular practice at the time of Chrissy’s birth to put him into an institution. She kept him at home with all the kids and cared for him the best way she knew how. She never treated him like a burden and never wanted people to feel sorry for Christopher. She saw him through all the ups and downs of his disease, and he lived in the midst of his family’s care all of his life until he died shortly after 9-11 at the age of 50. When Chrissy was born he was only expected to live until about 15 years old.

When my mother, father, and older sister needed somewhere to call home, my Marmee gladly took them in and cared for them, too. I came along a bit later, but always felt cared for and loved in her presence. Marmee helped me form my love for literature and writing by conveying her passion for these things and buying books for me and my sister when we were little.

After college, I went to live with Marmee and Christopher, half-heartedly to look for a job in New Jersey, but I really went to get to know a part of my family that I felt I really never got to experience. It was a good time to connect with the Maslyn side of the family and get some perspective on how the family ties were formed.

Marmee lived at home under the care of her children, especially my Aunt Renee, until she was hospitalized and eventually needed hospice care in Renee’s home. She died in her family’s care on January 7th, 2007.

I'm still looking for a specific picture of my Marmee and me to post here, but this is already so far overdue that I'll risk a BBI violation for the future posting of the picture.